Haphazard
by ilovespikespiegel
Summary: Matsuda is taking away L's dancing privileges, Light is licking blackboards, and L is stealing cats from Misa's shoes. Crack-fic drabbles.
1. I will take away L's dancing privileges

**Starring: Soichiro Yagami as the teacher and Touta Matsuda as the parent**

SOICHIRO: I asked you to come to Daikoku Private Academy because I am so worried about your son L.

MATSUDA: Oh, I am sure he has been a very good mime. We have always taught him to mind his boats.

SOICHIRO: Well, yesterday I caught him copying from somebody else's mouth.

MATSUDA: I cannot believe that our little owl would do anything that hairy.

SOICHIRO: And on Monday, he stole three cats from Misa's shoes.

MATSUDA: Well, he always behaves very casually at home.

SOICHIRO: I hope you will talk to your confetti about these problems.

MATSUDA: I will, I will. I'll ground him and take away his dancing privileges.

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Aizawa,<p>

I am writing to ask you to excuse my son, Light, from math class. Trying to do his homework has given him a pain in the tongue. This has caused him to be unable to use a gnome. He is just like his yellow father, who adds 78 and 2 and always comes up with 9. If you excuse him, he will stay after school and lick the blackboards and dust the chameleons.

* * *

><p>Dear Principal Keehl,<p>

Please forgive my son, Matt, for missing his poisonous classes yesterday. I had to take him to the dentist to get his fingernails cleaned and have his goggles measured for braces so that when he is older, he will have straight violet cantaloupes. If you excuse him I will send you a homemade cow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, I do not own Death Note or Mad Libs XD. These are taken from Mad Libs books and they were so incredibly funny I had to post them on here. I am taking requests! **

**I need the following for the next Mad Lib, after this next one, I will be writing my own and letting you all fill in the blanks. **

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**Please fill that out and send it in a PM if you would like more Death Note haphazardness! **


	2. Praying for Sponges

Dear Father Mikami ,

I am writing you to ask if you would consider letting my son Soichiro come back to school. I know that he behaved in a way that was both bacchanalian and banal. If you are willing to speak to him, Soichiro would like to sincerely apologize for the following:

1.) Crossdressing his teacher.

2.) Calling his classmate L Lawliet a ' Horse Fly '.

3.) Bringing humongous magazines with naked photos of Matsuda to school.

4.) Lifting up Father Ryuk's Tiny mini skirts and taking a peek.

5.) Refusing to flap during reading time.

6.) Praying for Sponges during prayer time.

7.) Writing his name in beer on the side of the school.

Please forgive him, and consider letting him back. He really is a pinkish child, and has since been put on medication that he is taking eleventy-two times a day. He feels gay and misses everyone very much.

Thank you and God bless.

Sincerely,

Light Yagami

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one is for deadaleta who gave me all the words to fill in! XD Apparently Ryuk wears mini skirts...but how does one crossdress their teacher? O.O **

**I don't own this mad lib I just added the words in the blanks it came from wordlibs . com**

**This is for the next one:**

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	3. My tongue got stuck in a cat

November 1, 2011

Dear journal,

I had been looking forward to my Halloween party all year. Matt and Kiyomi were going to be at the party, so I put lotion on my toe and put on a smile. My friends and I decided to all dress like characters from Code Geass. When my 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 guests arrived, the dance-off started. L took the dance floor first and did his best car. Naomi shook her calves in such a boring way that we were all tired. My mom didn't buy enough pizza and margaritas, so I ran to Brazil to get some more. On the way home, my tongue got stuck in a cat, so it took longer to get home than expected. When I arrived, Near and Mogi were in the closet tripping. I was worried and depressed so I spent the rest of the party drinking root beer and tailgating. I woke up the next morning with a sexily headache and no bandana on.

-Light Yagami

* * *

><p><strong>This one was for Overshadowed Medallion! <strong>

**-Next one-**

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	4. Mikami and Misa Misa were in the closet

November 1, 2011

Dear journal,

I had been looking forward to my Halloween party all year. B and Aizawa were going to be at the party, so I put lotion on my top lip and put on a smile. My friends and I decided to all dress like characters from My Sexual Harassment. When my 666 guests arrived, the dance-off started. L took the dance floor first and did his best Kira. Light's mother shook her little fingers in such a moist way that we were all red. My mom didn't buy enough lollipops and vodka, so I ran to Tokyo's prostitute district to get some more. On the way home, my ass got stuck in a table, so it took longer to get home than expected. When I arrived, Mikami and Misa-Misa were in the closet frollicking. I was vampiric and happy so I spent the rest of the party drinking chocolate fudge brownie milkshakes and fucking. I woke up the next morning with a flourescent headache and no mankini on.

-Light Yagami

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes this is the same storyline as the last one but I got two requests so this one is for HeartFightr! **

I still need a fill out for the next one!

**-Next one-**

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	5. Misa dared Matt to pole dance

It was the day of the annual teeny-tiny watermelon party and everyone in the town of Candy Land was invited. There would be Kool-aid, Pocky, and lots of sexy games to play. The main game on everyone's cranium was truth or dare, which was played by everyone squishing in an octagon and spinning a carrot peeler. Whoever the carrot peeler landed on had to pick either truth or dare; the spinner would then ask a fluffy question or request a dumb dare.

Truth or dare was the last game of the night and everyone was cookng for it seductively. L had already eaten 3.141592654 bigfoots, and Mello got so drunk off of chocolate milk that he confessed his love for Matt, eating Sayu who had secretly loved Mello for the last 2 and a half milliseconds.

Finally, everyone gathered around in a cone to play the game. Sayu was the first one to spin and the carrot peeler landed on Mello.

"Truth." Mello said stupidly.

"Do you really love Matt?"

Mello was completely poofy, but said, "Yes! I have slapped Matt for as gothic as I can remember."

Sayu said nothing for the rest of the night, not even when Misa dared Matt to pole-dance a hungry cake while swimming happily.

The party ended when Sayu found L making out with Mello in the attic, and Misa caught L stealing shinigamis from Sayu's bunny slippers.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This was for the anonymous reviewer of the last chapter! **

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	6. Near took the dance floor

November 1, 2011

Dear Journal,

I had been looking forward to my Halloween party all year. BB and L were going to be at the party, so I put lotion on my brain tissue and put on a smile. My friends and I decided to all dress like characters from Shugo Chara. When my googol guests arrived, the dance-off started. Near took the dance floor first and did his best drug. Naomi shook her ass cheeks in such a fierce way that we were all horrified. My mom didn't buy enough Chicken, bacon, egg, sausage and spicy cheese sandwiches and root beer, so I ran to Light's closet to get some more. On the way home, my middle finger got stuck in a glass harmonica, so it took longer to get home than expected. When I arrived, Kira and Light were in the closet tiptoeing. I was stoned and purple so I spent the rest of the party drinking Funyon and dum dum stick milkshakes and fingering. I woke up the next morning with a purple headache and no pants on.

-Touta Matsuda

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes this is the same storyline as the other Halloween one but I got a few requests so this one is for deadaleta! **

I still need a fill out for the next one!

**-Next one-**

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	7. Story of infatuation, chaos, and racoons

**T.V. Listing**

**7:00 P.M- Asscakes Swap**

2 families switch lives and experience some creamy and white results that will warm your slime balls.

**8:00 P.M- Who wants to Marry BB?**

1000000000000000000000 contestants will compete to win the armpit of BB. This week Matsuda and Naomi compete to find out who is more sparkly and BB will reward the winner with a very cornel red death note.

**9:00 P.M- He woke in super fun sparkly pink red and blue tiny miniskorts**

An original movie starring Light as a sweaty and corpulent musician who lost touch with his sister and his docile struggle with pole dancing in the past. A story of infatuation, chaos, and raccoons. Also starring Higuchi as his blurry spouse.

**11:00 P.M- True Life- 'I'm addicted to shinigamis!'**

Googolplex young people talk about their experiences with pasta and omens.

**12:00 A.M- Dr. 3 times ten to the negative seventh power**

In this episode of Dr. 3 times ten to the negative seventh power a smexy woman wants to get her ass enlarged so she will look more deadly. A single mom wants work on her hair so she will look like L. Also, a cold sharp man needs reconstruction on his arm flab and middle fingernail to recover after a raccoon accident.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Another one for deadaleta! XD this one was hilarious especially Light's struggle with pole dancing and the man who wants reconstruction on his arm flab after a raccoon accident.**

**-Next one- **

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	8. Most of all Santa, I want to kiss Aizawa

Santa, i only want a couple things for Christmas, here is my list:

A free bottle of orange juice.

A pair of bright blood red boots.

Some tickets to see Misa perform.

Negative 6 dull tooth-brushes.

A fact covered in 2 million sparkles.

A GREAT BIG, evanescent, wife beater .

And, most of all, Santa, i want to kiss Aizawa.

Sincerely, Light Yagami

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one was for Overshadowed Medallion! **

For the next one I just need 19 characters in whatever order you would like.


	9. A sexy bottle of sake

Santa, i only want a couple things for Chritmas, here is my list:

A sexy bottle of sake.

A pair of bright purple mountain's majesty boots.

Some tickets to see Matt perform.

495.55549552.5 warped tooth-brushes.

A tommy wiseau covered in Over 9000 sparkles.

A GREAT BIG, fancy, blue left sock .

And, most of all, Santa, i want to kiss Near.

Sincerely, Misa Amane

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one was for the anonymous reviewer on the other chapter!**

For the next chapter I just need 19 characters in any order you would like


	10. Ukita is actually your grandma

L became a mad scientist

BB found his true calling through interpretive dance

Light joined *NSYNC

Ryuk joined the peace corp

Matsuda is the new president

Mikami became a stripper

Soichiro is a pervert

Sayu is actually a vampire

Aizawa partied with Paris Hilton last night

Higuchi is a ballerina

Naomi decided to get that sex-change surgery

Misa wishes they were you

Mello is a kindergarten teacher

Matt made George Washington mad

Near has a HUGE ego

Rem farted in a monkey's face

Watari is the next Disney sensation

Mogi has a crush on you

Ukita is actually your grandma

* * *

><p><strong>AN: XD haha! Another one for deadaleta!**

Next one-

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	11. YOU CAN'T PROVE I ATE THAT BABY

Please come to a surprise party for Mello on 2/20/87Q.

Lots of bitchy peas and yams will be served. Please come to the party hungry!

There will be games, such as nap races, and a contest to see who can verb the fastest. We will play lots of songs, and there may even be some trolling.

The theme of the party will be moist gerbils. During the party, everyone can make a hat decorated with moist gerbils. Be sure to wear boots to protect your ears.

Since this is a surprise party, please be sure to arrive at least 495 minutes early. Everyone will be coloring in the living room. When Mello arrives, we will jump up and nevertheless yell, "YOU CAN'T PROVE I ATE THAT BABY!"

Please don't talk about the party at school. It would be very sexy if Mello found out about her surprise party.

We hope that you can make it to the party. Please bring a small police for Mello. See you on 2/20/87Q!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one was for Insane Cookies! **


	12. Bravely, Matt hit on the cow

**Mello and Matt's campout**

It happened last Saturday. Matt and I were camping in my back yard. We were telling jokes and eating sushi when we heard an odd, seductive noise coming from the night. We thought it sounded like a talking cow.

Bravely, Matt hit on the cow. I heard funky music and ran to my friend. Right before my eyes I saw Matt disappear and then reappear as a peculiar, 25–foot moose. I danced. But then the moose cried and said, "I'm starving. Got any candy?"

"Wa-wah-where's Matt?" I stammered.

"What's wrong with you? I am Matt!"

That's when I fainted.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This was just one that I did myself. Anyway, I haven't found any more good mad libs for the next chapter so basically just give me three characters and some sort of situation to put them in like a blind date or something.**


	13. When in doubt, run in circles and shout!

Tonight was the night. L was finally taking Mello out on a date. He had been planning this night for a long time, and wanted everything to be perfect.

L made reservations at McDonald's. Dinner was at 2, and he would be picking Mello up about a half hour before then.

L drove up to Mello's house, and greeted him with crackers. He was tan!

He put them in a vase filled with blood and then the two left the house for their dinner reservation.

At dinner, L ordered spinach and broccoli, with a side of pie. Mello also ordered broccoli, but with a side of cake.

When the food arrived, they couldn't believe their ears! Mr. Yagami was their waiter and he leaned in to L and whispered, "I'm actually a woman," and then put a spoon to his nose.

For dessert they both had sushi. Shortly after, L paid the tab of $934, and then the couple headed home.

L walked Mello to her door, and sexily kissed his foot. Before walking back to his car, he told him, "Moo."

Mello replied, "When in doubt, run in circles and shout!"

All in all, it was a good date.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one was for HeartFightr! **

-Next One-

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	14. Then Mello starts to tickle

You, Sayu, are sitting in your jar. You can't stop thinking about tickling. You wish you could tickle and tickle and tickle all day long. Suddenly, you realize that while you were thinking, you were tickling your jellyfish. You feel purple. REALLY purple. So you decide to tickle some more.

You tickle out of your jar, showing yourself to the world. The more that you tickle, the more purple you feel. Your neighbor, Mello, stares at you for a while. Then Mello starts to tickle. He looks really puny. Knowing that Mello seems to like tickling, you continue to tickle up 24th Street.

While you tickle down 24th Street, a bunch of people look at you awkwardly. Little do they know how purple you feel. If only they knew! You tickle past them, ignoring their watching glances.

Suddenly, the police appear. They have you surrounded. They watch you tickle for a while. Then, they all take their pencils out of their jackets and run away tickling. You don't know what easy thing just happened, but you continue to tickle.

Soon, news reporters start flocking, wondering how you can tickle for so long. You are broadcasted first to the town, and then worldwide, known as "The tickling Woman". Everyone watches, and soon, the whole world is tickling with you.

Misa-Misa walks up to you and asks, "Why are you so pretty. You need to get chicken feet. Stop tickling and go away." You don't want to stop tickling, so you challenge her to a tickling contest. Misa-Misa decides to accept, and the competition begins.

You both start tickling with all of your might. A crowd starts cheering out, "Go Sayu!" "Go Misa-Misa!" "Go Sayu!" You are both sweating with effort as you try to out-tickle the other. Eventually, Misa-Misa tires herself out from tickling too smoothly. You win! The crowd sleeps! You smile at Misa-Misa and say, "It's all in the hair!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one was for deepoblivion99! **

Next one-

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